Quote of the Day

Complements from salesmen

Have that smooth and friendly touch. 

Cool as any fleeting wind,

And worth about as much. 

-Cleggo

Quote of the Day

I know it wouldn’t help you

Understand what I just said,

But I just have this urge to smack you

Right upside the head. 

-Cleggo

Quote of the Day

Congress is like the limbo. 

People gather in a group,

Bending over backwards

To see how low they can stoop.

-Cleggo

Quote of the Day

Dear God, please make me perfect–

A flawless, new creation.

So I can judge and criticize 

Without retaliation.

-Cleggo

Quote of the Day

If we are 

what we eat,

Then, I’m 

dead meat. 

-Cleggo

Quote of the Day

Memory foam is something used 

As padding for a bed. 

It doesn’t cure forgetfulness

When wrapped around your head. 

-Cleggo

Quote of the Day

Son, let me put this in a way

You just might understand.

Logic is an Abrams tank

You’re fighting hand-to-hand.

-Cleggo

Quote of the Day

They thought a brain scan might reveal

A tumor, but instead,

They found potatoes, milk and clams.

Man, what a chowderhead.

-Cleggo

Quote of the Day

I fell asleep when I was young

My face had not a wrinkle. 

I awoke one day to find 

I look like Rip Van Winkle.

-Cleggo

Quote of the Day

Eating and procrastinating.

Cause the same regret.

The more you do of either one,

The more behind you get.

-Cleggo

Quote of the Day

Emotions are like stallions–

They need a sturdy bridle.

’Cause, sometimes when they’re running wild,

They’re downright homicidal

-Cleggo

Quote of the Day

If cheaters never prosper

And the good guys always win,

Can someone please explain to me

This awful mess we're in?

-Cleggo

Quote of the Day

When absence of compassion,

Is observed with vacant stares.

It feeds the beast called Apathy,

But then again, who cares?

-Cleggo

Quote of the Day

Your argument’s a round hole,

The truth, a peg, square-sided.

You’ve merely carved the corners off

To fit the space provided.

-Cleggo

Quote of the Day

You say you follow Jesus Christ, 

Who taught that love’s the greatest.

And yet, you pull the wings off flies

Like some demented sadist.

-Cleggo

Quote of the Day

Reasoning with children

Is like trying to play guitar

With one hand tied behind you

And the other in a jar.

-Cleggo

Quote of the Day

When life is throwing lemons,

You just make lemonade.

But you just make a big mess,

When it throws a hand grenade.

-Cleggo

Quote of the Day

When congressmen get dirty 

Crawling down the primrose path, 

Isn’t it peculiar?

We’re the ones who take a bath.

-Cleggo

Quote of the Day

Revenge is sweet,

But caution, please,

The same is true

Of antifreeze. 

-Cleggo

Quote of the Day

Everything’s clicking.

I haven’t lost yet.

Such a fun little game,

This Russian Roulette. 

-Cleggo

She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not

©1996 Dave Clegg

She plays with my heart just like a yo yo.

She knows that she’s got it on a string.

One moment, she’s holding on so close, 

Next thing I know, she’s givin’ it a fling.

She loves me, she loves me not.

She’s freezing cold, she’s blazin’ hot.

She changes her heart a lot.

She loves me, she loves me not. 

She pulls me from the depths, where she sends me,

So quickly, that I’m bound to get the bends.

This up and down and back and forth reminds me

Of a roller coaster ride that never ends. 

She loves me, she loves me not.

She’s freezing cold, she’s blazin’ hot.

She changes her heart a lot.

She loves me, she loves me not. 

When that ol’ moon is full, she thinks I hung it.

But, like the moon, I know it’s just a phase.

By the time it’s crescent-shaped, I’m hangin’ from it. 

Until her orbit brings her back my way.

She loves me, she loves me not.

She’s freezing cold, she’s blazin’ hot.

She changes her heart a lot.

She loves me, she loves me not. 

Quote of the Day

The IRS is wonderful!

I stand up and applaud it. 

A most outstanding agency!

Now, sir, about my audit...

-Cleggo

Quote of the Day

Let’s agree to disagree

No need to be judgmental. 

It doesn’t mean that you’re a jerk. 

That’s just coincidental.

-Cleggo

I Am the Alpha

©2010 Dave Clegg

Got myself a dog named Fritz.

He rolls over, begs, and sits,

And yields himself to my authori-ty.

If I throw it, he will fetch.

He don’t care that I’m a wretch.

Because, to him, I’m like a deity.

Then my darlin’ waltzes in,

And I’m mortal once again.

Who's the boss? Don’t make me laugh.

Just one look from her sweet face,

And I’m in my proper place.

So, thanks to my dog and my better half...

I am the alpha, 

And omega.

I am the lord and the lowly subject too.

I am the leader of the pack,

And the little pup in the back.

I am the alpha and omega, how ‘bout you?

Yeah, my dog lives to please.

Barks, but never disagrees.

He’s always ready at my beck and call.

His submission has no end.

Now, that’s what I call “man’s best friend”!

Through his eyes I must be ten feet tall.

But a sharper pair of eyes

Cuts me right back down to size,

And keeps me humble, like I ought to be.

But when her push comes to shove,

She rewards me with her love,

I’m her dog and that’s all right with me.

I am the alpha, 

And omega.

I am the lord and the lowly subject too.

I am the leader of the pack,

And the little pup in the back.

I am the alpha and omega, how ‘bout you?

The Good News Is

©2010 Dave Clegg

Just a rusted heap

On a corner lot. 

She was priced real cheap,

But she’s been forgot.

She was someone’s dream

Only yesterday,

On the showroom floor

Now she’ll rust away. 

But then, one day

She catches someone’s eye.

He has nice long look

As he drives on by.

Then he hits the brakes,

And he turns around.

He’s smiling as

He writes the number down.

Yeah, the good news is,

There is someone who

Wants to take her home,

Wants to make her new.

Every nut and bolt,

Every gauge and door,

Will be beautiful

Like it was before.

In the old folks home,

She never leaves her spot

By the telephone,

But she’s been forgot.

She was someone’s dream

Only yesterday,

Walking down the isle,

Now she’ll fade away.

But the good news is,

There is someone who

Wants to take her home,

Wants to make her new.

Every fingernail,

Every hair and pore,

Will be beautiful,

Better than before.

Yeah the good news is,

She will be set free.

She will jump and shout

For eternity.

And what’s left behind

Is an empty shell,

And the good news is

For us all to tell.