©2014 Dave Clegg
A toast: To yet another year!
As each new season passes,
May all of us be shining stars
And not dimwitted asses.
May all your Christmas bills be paid
At least by mid-October
May all your future tattoos wait
Until you’re good and sober.
May your words be music to their ears,
May your coffee be well-brewed,
May you “live the dream” but not the one
Where your at a party nude.
May the next one, and the next one
Be the best you ever had,
May you never mix and match your stripes
With polka dots or plaid.
May it mean you’re somewhere eating
When they say you’re “out to lunch”,
May you never take the blame for
What was floating in the punch.
May your eyes be free of bloodshot,
May your ears be free of waxes,
May your bathroom stalls be free before
Your bladder valve relaxes.
May you never lose your sparkle,
May you never lose your glow,
May you never lose your Kleenex
When your nostrils need a blow.
May your boss not catch you napping,
May your trousers not catch fire,
May a vicious kick not catch you
Where it makes your voice go higher.
May your purse and wallet overflow
With lots of legal tender,
May your bathroom scales say “Way to go!”
Instead of “I surrender!”
May you never take a back seat
May you never give out early
May you never hire the legal team
Of Larry, Moe, and Curly.
May you bite off more than you can chew
And still have room for more,
May you learn what all the buttons
On remote controls are for.
May you tolerate the lactose,
May your colon not be spastic,
May you never toss your cookies
While you trip the light fantastic
May your earliest convenience
Give you all the time you need,
May your laxative work wonders
If at first, you don’t succeed.
May your feet stay on the good path,
May your eyes stay straight ahead,
May your teeth stay in your mouth
And not the jar beside your bed.
May you always have their number,
May they always have your back,
May you always sound convincing
When your really don’t know jack.
May you be a cornucopia
Of all things super-duper,
May you walk your dog around the park
And never need a scooper.
So raise your glasses to the air
And give them all a clink.
Here’s hoping everybody has
A year that doesn’t stink.
LOVE IT!!! Best toast ever!
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