From Where I Stanza: My Life Is In Da Toilet (But I Will Not Be Deterred)

I was on the fast track on my way up to the top.

In my brain, that gravy train was never going to stop.

But then, that locomotive started runnin’ low on steam.

One day, my boss called me in, said, “Take one for the team.”

He handed me a cardboard box to carry out my junk.

And gave my corner office to his brother's worthless punk.

My poor ol’ stock portfolio has never shrunk so small.

Soon, I’ll just be lucky if it’s even there at all.

I traded in my Hummer and my new Mercedes, too.

Now, I drive a Pinto built in 1982.

My debt-to-income ratio has got me in a fix.

Looks like I’ll be working ‘til I’m a hundred, ninety-six.

I’ve never been a loser,

But right now, I just can’t win

I was sittin’ pretty

And I will be once again.

You can’t keep me down-and-out.

Brother, take my word.

My life is in da toilet

But I will not be deterred.

Here’s a picture of my kids, taken way back when.

What I wouldn’t give to have them look that way again.

Now, my boy has gang tattoos from his waist up to his head

And my girl looks like a zombie from “The Night of the Living Dead”.

I pray that someday she’ll get tired of dressing like Mortisha,

And my son will get his discharge from the Skinhead Militia.

I came home one day to find my wife was up and gone.

She’s somewhere in Tahiti with the man who does our lawn.

She said, “A handsome man like you can find another spouse.

And, by the way, pack up your things. I sold the house.”