Saturday, March 5, 2016


May the new year bring you pleasures 
Far beyond your wildest wishes 
May “bottoms up” be how you toast
Not how you find your fishes. 

May your Cheerios be cheery  
May your Frosted Flakes be GRRRRREAT!
May they not assume you’re ready  
For the senior discount rate.

May your invitees RSVP
May you not get one refusal
May your midnight snack be chips and dip
Not Tums and Metamucil. 

May the lightbulb in your thought balloon
Be shining watts and watts
May the fountain bring eternal youth
And not eternal trots.

May your poker face be steely 
May you never tip your your hand.
May you bet and never lose your shirt
Unless you’re nice and tanned. 

May your horses not be Trojan
May your nickels not be wooden
May that brown stuff on the baby’s hands
Be fudge or chocolate pudd’n. 

May your status be “It’s all good”
And not “It’s complicated”
May you not make dark confessions
At the dentist while sedated.

May rabbits’ feet be for their legs
And not your superstition
May “hot and sour” be your soup
And not your disposition. 

May you share canine companionship 
And not break out in rashes
May “hot” describe your latest look
And not your latest flashes. 

May your chances all be fat ones
May your pickings not be slim
May you always have more options
On a cruise than “sink” or “swim”

May your crowd demand an encore 
May there be no boos nor hissing
May you not wake up in some motel
With half your kidneys missing. 

May you lead your horse to water
May you make him drink his fill
May your name appear most often
In your wealthy uncle’s will.

May your amplifier volume
Hit eleven, not just ten
May your teenage kids not push you
Straight into the loony bin.

May your words be on the money
May your scores be off the chart
May ticker tape be what they throw
Not how they fix your heart 

May that email from Nigeria
Turn out to be legit
May your kids learn how to pitch a tent
And not a hissy fit. 

May you stop and hear the bluebirds
May you stop and smell the flowers
May you stop and sniff your underarms
Before you skip the showers. 

So grab a glass of something wet
And hoist it in the air
Here’s hoping this is not the year
You’re forced to grow a pair. 

©2014 Cleggo


A toast: To new beginnings.
May each of us endeavor
To lay to rest “It is what it is”
“You go girl” and “Whatever” 

May the fortune wheel hit JACKPOT!
Every time you twirl the spinner,
May your true love's glances make you lose
Your heart and not your dinner.  

May your plains always be fruited,
And your oceans, white with foam,
May your cell phones not be obsolete 
Before you get them home.

May your heart be in the heavens,
May your heels be on the earth,
May the stone inside your kidney
Be dissolved or given birth.

May you always dare to roll the dice
And never come-up craps,
So you have to wear a barrel
Held in place by leather straps. 

May you always know the answer,
May you always steal the show,
May you always have a plunger,
When the toilets overflow. 

May Cupid’s arrow find the one
To be your “Heart of Hearts”,
Then take his arrow back 
When all the constant nagging starts. 

May you stop and take a breather,
May you stop unhealthy vices,
May you stop the acid reflux
After eating zesty spices

May you prove The Reaper wrong 
When he announces, ”Time to go.”
May you always lend an ear
But not the same way as Van Gogh 

May your rise-and-shines be painless,
May your winds be strong and steady,
May you walk more than a block
And not collapse like wet spaghetti. 

May the sages seek your council, 
May your heart be sweet as nectar,
May everyone admire your taste
(Except for Hannibal Lecter.)

May your headlines read, “AMAZING!”
and “The Next Big Up-and-Comer!” 
May your movie be “A Beautiful Mind”
Instead of “Dumb and Dumber”

May your “attaboys” be many,
May your “kiss-my-butts” be few,
May the gum tossed on the sidewalk
Not come underneath your shoe.

May you know just when to stand your ground,
And when to cut and run,
May you never over-buy
Because it’s cheaper by the ton.

May your pilots be well-rested,
May your confidants not blabber,
May you not find out the hard way
When the milk has turned to clabber.

So board your ships, it’s time to sail
For waters yet uncharted.
“To your health” and “Down the hatch”
Let’s get this party started. 

©2014 Cleggo