Quote of the Day

Some folks think,

Some folks do,

Some do both

They're the precious few.

-Cleggo

Wreck of the Wedded Bliss Fairy Tale

(to the tune of “Wreck of the Edmond Fitzgerald”)

Lyrics ©1991 Dave Clegg

In Eighty and Two, we both said, “I do.”

And our marriage had started out very well.

So happy and free, yes, you might say that we

Lived the life of the wedded bliss fairy tale.

As days turned to years, it seemed all of our peers

Were beginning to add to their numbers.

Please pardon the next line, but in order to rhyme,

I could only come up with “cucumbers.”

The time came and went, and we were quite content 

To be free like the bird and the butterfly.

Then, much to our shock, the biological clock

Said, “Go forth, be fruitful and multiply.”

At first when she said that the rabbit was dead,

There was laughter and much merry makin’. 

But it all turned about as she puked her guts out,

She said, “What in the heck was I thinkin”.

When nine months had passed and the time came at last,

It was my job to help her get through it.

But when I took her hand, she said, “Don’t touch me, man!

This is all your fault. You made me do it!”

I told her, “Be strong”, that it won’t last for long.

That her troubles will soon all be ending.

With a blood curdling yell, and a slap on the tail,

Our troubles were only beginning. 

All the visions I had about being a dad,

Of the football, the fun and the frolic,

Were quickly replaced by a sobering taste

Of the poop and the puke and the colic.

I remember a time of a life so sublime,

Of movies and intimate dining.

We spend our nights now on the living room couch

To the sounds of the screaming and whining.

By the time we hit bed, well, we’re just about dead,

But there still burns a fire deep within here.

I snuggle up tight, but she says, “Not tonight.

And perhaps, never ever again, dear.”

In time we all must find a way to adjust,

And just when everything was going fairly well,

Oh Lord, help us through, here comes verse number two

Of the wreck of the wedded bliss fairy tale. 

Sketchbook 1

Let's Go Retro

©1996 Dave Clegg

Get up in the mornin’,

Hit the floor runnin’.

Face a buncha deadlines

Long before the sun shines.

Srugglin’ to keep pace, 

Losin’ this rat race. 

Takin’ our affections

In opposite directions.

I’d like 

To know

Where did

Love go?

Come on Baby, let’s go.

Let’s go retro.

Get our love back to

When our love was new,

And you and me

Couldn’t stand to be

Two feet apart,

Two souls, one heart.

Come on Baby, let’s go

Retro.

Jump in the carpool,

Run the kids to school.

Slave to the time clock.

Try to stay out of hock.

Both work a full day,

Doin’ it the hard way.

Love a little romance,

But there ain’t no chance.

Let that 

Clock chime,

Let’s turn 

Back time!

Come on Baby, let’s go.

Let’s go retro.

Get our love back to

When our love was new,

And you and me

Couldn’t stand to be

Two feet apart,

Two souls, one heart.

Come on Baby, let’s go

Retro.

Two Teenagers Blues

© Dave Clegg

I love my house, I love my wife,

I love my job, I love my life!

I've got it made, I’m tellin’ you what!

Life is just about perfect, but...

I got those two teenagers.

I got those two teenagers.

I got those two teenagers

Livin’ in one household blues.

One’s a girl, one’s a boy.

They used to be my pride and joy.

Cute and sweet and innocent.

Can someone please tell me where they went?

I got those two teenagers.

I got those two teenagers.

I got those two teenagers

Livin’ in one household blues.

I got years of wisdom, so how can it be,

They’re already so much smarter than me?

I give ‘em all my best advice,

And all the do is roll their eyes.

I got those two teenagers.

I got those two teenagers.

I got those two teenagers

Livin’ in one household blues.

Hellfire, brimstone,

Estrogen, testosterone.

Bad moods, slammin’ doors.

I can’t take much more!

I got those two teenagers.

I got those two teenagers.

I got those two teenagers

Livin’ in one household blues.

I got those two teenagers

Livin’ in one household,

Shrink me down 

So I can hide in a mouse hole,

Two teenagers 

Livin’ in one household blues. 

Becky

©1996 Dave Clegg

She’s still there among the shadows 

Of my distant recollections,

Where lesser memories are fading fast.

As ageless as a diamond, 

And just as pretty as she ever was

In Mrs. Howard’s class.

So quietly she sits there,

With her hands politely folded,

Sometimes, her picture fades a little, too.

Then, someone mentions something

About someone named Becky

And her face comes into view. 

My first love was Becky 

She could send me to the sky

With her smile, although she was

Only twelve, and so was I. 

And I don’t know if Becky

Even knew I was alive,

But when I hear that name,

I think about her still...

I can see myself there standing

At my Safety Patrol crossing,

I’d shine my badge and wait for her to pass.

Hoping maybe this would be 

The day I finally got the nerve to say

Hello, at last. 

With my helmet tilted slightly,

Just like Little Joe Cartwright, 

I’d search for something interesting to say,

But, as we walked in silence, 

Between those two white lines

Another chance would slip away. 

When I picture that old playground,

She’s the only thing in color,

Surrounded by a scene in black and white.

Yellow hair and a big blue bow

Neatly tied behind a checkered dress,

Oh, what a sight!

Then, she walks back to the classroom,

Finds her desk and sits politely,

Folds her hands and takes her place among the past.

And while there have been other loves,

And even though I thank God 

My first wife will be my last,

My first love was Becky 

She could send me to the sky

With her smile, although she was

Only twelve, and so was I. 

And I don’t know if Becky

Even knew I was alive,

But when I hear that name,

I think about her still...

And always will. 

Buster Crab Crustacean

©1996 Dave Clegg

Long ago, at Cape Canaveral,

That’s the time and place, 

They launched the first successful rocket

Into outer space. 

Nearby, the King of Cocoa Beach 

Was Buster Crab Crustacean.

By lifting everything in sight, 

Gained quite a reputation.

His name was spoken far an wide

His legend did abound.

 To see his mighty feats of strength

They came from all around.

He hoisted heavy hunks of driftwood

High into the air.

And raised up rusty anchors 

With a most impressive flair.

Most were amazed, but there was one

Who wasn’t so impressed.

A seagull by the name of Bill

Put Buster to the test. 

He pointed down the beach and said,

“Hey crab, you see that tower?”

Heave it high above your head

Then I’ll proclaim your power.

Not wishing to betray a lack

Of confidence he said,

“I’d gladly take your challenge,

Were it not so far to tread.” 

Bill grinned and said, “No problem.

Put your worries on the shelf.

And climb up here upon my back.

I’ll fly you there myself.”

Buster swallowed hard and said,

“My friends, it can be done!”

Although he knew his chances

Of success were slim and none.

So, with a false bravado, 

He ascended to his seat,

And soon, the two were on their way

To Buster’s greatest feat.

They neared their destination,

Buster’s heart began to race.

A sober look of fear began 

To occupy his face. 

To fail would be disastrous!

No more glory, no more fame.

If only there was something 

He could do to save his name.

He thought of all the stories

He had heard of in the past.

Of unexpected victory

Over obstacles so vast.

Those underrated heroes who

Who were doubted and dismissed.

Accomplished the impossible

By choosing to persist.

By the time they got there,

Buster’s mood was much improved.

It seems he had convinced himself

That mountains can be moved!

With new determination,

He descended from his mount.

And beamed with self-assurance 

He possessed in large amount. 

Now, when it comes to reading,

Crabs and seagulls don’t know how.

They walked right past the sign that read,

“WARNING! CLEAR THE LAUNCH PAD NOW!”

Buster spread his feet apart 

In order not to slip.

Then spit into his massive claws

To best prepare his grip.

He reached above his head 

And closed his eyes to concentrate.

So deep in thought, he never heard

The countdown, “TEN, NINE, EIGHT,”

He slipped into a trance to summon

All his strength and more,

As buzzers blared and red lights flashed,

“SEVEN, SIX, FIVE, FOUR,

Bill flew off and never once 

Looked back until he landed.

Leaving Buster unaware 

That he had been left stranded. 

Meanwhile, Buster clinched his jaw,

And pushed with all his might.

When, much to his amazement,

“THREE, TWO, ONE,” the thing took flight!

Lobsters cheered, sandpipers wept,

The spectacle was splendid!

But as for Buster Crab, 

The situation had not ended. 

In the great excitement 

Of the moment he forgot

To turn loose of the object

Which now swept him from his spot.

Higher toward the stratosphere

He traveled with such speed,

Until, at last, he looked no larger

Than a mustard seed.

Although he never did return 

To walk that sunny shore,

Each year, he’s much more famous

Than he was the year before.

No, there’s no need to shed a tear

For Buster Crab Crustacean. 

He found a place among the stars,

In a crab-shaped constellation.