The Big Green Chair

©Dave Clegg

I got a thousand items on my honey-do.

I got all day long to make it all come true.

Long before the break of dawn, I rise and shine.

A little caffein in my veins and I’ll be just fine.

I stumble to the kitchen to pour my brew.

And contemplate my list of honey-do.

I devise my battle plan with lovin’ care.

As I make my way to the big green chair.

I recline and I feel my body sink

Deep into the foam where I can think.

It feels so good, it just ain’t fair.

I could spend all day in the big green chair.

I drain the last drop from my cup of Joe.

Just one minute more, and then I’ll go.

I could finish all my chores with time to spare.

If I could pry myself from the big green chair.

But there's gutters and shutters hangin’ in the breeze.

There's rolls and rolls of Charmin in my trees.

There's weeds and grass up to my derriere.

Which is firmly planted in the big green chair.

It’s an age-old dilemma and a downright dirt shame.

You can’t sit on the sidelines, and still be in the game.

I surf through the channels one more time.

These Saturday morning shows ain’t worth a dime.

You’d think I’d just move on, but oh contrair,

I’m watching QVC in the big green chair.

I rose this morning when the day was new.

I’m still in the big green chair and it’s half-past two.

Like some poor, pathetic critter in a snare,

I’m a helpless hostage in the big green chair.

Sooner or later, nature calls my name.

But the big green chair is doing just the same.

So, I sit cross-legged long as I can bare,

Until I float right out of the big green chair.

Yes, I know I’m a worthless bum in my current state,

But there’s something about that big green chair,

That makes me vegetate.

I’m not one who’s given to superstition.

But the big green chair got a hex on my ambition.

If this keeps up, one of these days I swear,

I’m gonna build a bonfire with the big green chair.

I should know by now, I ain’t got a prayer,

When I start my day sittin’ in the big green chair.

Yeah, I just spent all day in the big green chair