Teachin' My Son To Drive

©2007 Dave Clegg

I got my seat belt buckled and I’m white-knuckled

And my stomach is one big knot.

I’m takin’ this ride on the passenger side

And wishin’ that I was not.

I've got a hunch I’m gonna loose my lunch

Even if I do survive.

I’m tellin’ you, Jack, I hope I make it back

From teachin’ my son to drive.

He’s sittn’ there smilin’ like a crocodile

And I’m strugglin’ to keep my cool.

Yeah, he’s slap-happy while his poor ol’ pappy

Is tryin’ not to pass a stool.

He’s rarin’ and ready and you can bet he

Doesn’t know what fear’s about.

The sound of ignition has me wishin’

I could find some way out of

Teachin’ my son to drive.

Cussin’ and confessin’.

Wonderin’ just who is

Learnin’ the bigger lesson.

So I say, “Let’s go, now keep it nice and slow.”

As he drops her in reverse.

And from the very first turn, he makes sure our journey

Goes from bad to worse.

“Hey, son of mine, did you see that sign?

It said, ‘S.T.O.P.’

And what was that? Ooo! The neighbor’s cat!

And THAT was his new SUV!

Teachin’ my son to drive.

Cussin’ and confessin’.

Wonderin’ just who is

Learnin’ the bigger lesson.

“It’s a low-speed zone, hey give me that phone!

Now, ease off on the gas!”

Well, he’s jumpin’ hills and turnin’ on two wheels

Before skiddin’ to a stop at last.

My heart’s racin’ and I might be facin’

The end of my days on earth.

And as the blinker’s blinkin’, I can’t help thinin’,

“Why did I make my wife give birth?"

Teachin’ my son to drive.

Cussin’ and confessin’.

Wonderin’ just who is

Learnin’ the bigger lesson.